TGC Newsletter: The Impostor Syndrome Issue

I'm going to pull back the curtain for a moment and share something vulnerable. 

I don’t know what I’m doing with these newsletters. I believe my goal is to teach you something, but I know you’re smart, I know you’re resourceful, I know you’re creative and I know you’re a whole person.  

As am I.

And yet, what business do I have thinking I have something to teach you?

Is my role here, in these monthly (haha) emails, to teach you something, inspire you, provide resources, or share a new perspective?

Do I need to narrow down the topics? Go deeper into research?

Is it impostor syndrome? Yes. Are you seeing me experiment with the professional content I create? Certainly. Is that vulnerable? Hell yeah. Am I still figuring it all out? No doubt. Am I practicing what I preach, and is it a rollercoaster of success? You bet.

What I'm Reading

I’ve been researching Impostor Syndrome, exploring the connection to the stories we tell ourselves (our self-beliefs), radical honesty (transparency), vulnerability, and failure. There is a difference between how we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us. The Failure Institute’s article on fraud and impostor syndrome shares the importance of humanizing our experiences through vulnerability and the power of telling stories of how we’ve failed. Normalizing the pain is a significant step towards letting it go.

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What I'm Listening To

Esther Perel and Trevor Noah do it again in What Now?: One Of My Favorite People. Out of the many tokens of shared wisdom, there were two that stood out to me:

1. Trevor shares an example of his friends with babies and how they buy babysitter time. Seems normal, right? His reframe was this: we now live in a society that has tricked us into living alone, rather than buying back our community. What would our communities look like if we no longer needed to pay for babysitters?

2. Esther and Trevor are meaning-making royalty, communicating it through poetic philosophy. We create meaning in two ways: through our relationships with ourselves and through our relationships with others. What’s your thought process in how you relate to yourself? And to others? How does that process create stories of your relationships?

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What I'm Doing

In a student appointment recently, this master’s student started our conversation with, “I’m stuck! I don’t know which direction to take. I have so many ideas and don’t know where to put my energy.” Through coaching, we were able to identify that she will pursue a portfolio career —a career with a variety of ways to receive income and utilize her creative energy.

She shared her two-year goal of finishing her book that she started at the beginning of her degree. Halfway through the program, she’s hit a wall. Can’t seem to keep working on it.

After a few questions, I could tell that she was experiencing impostor syndrome. She had received negative feedback in a course, and it took the fun out of writing. Ah, we got down to the source. Now we know how to move forward. 

Much of coaching is understanding what’s underneath the block. Is it not feeling good enough? Loss of joy? Find the issue and you’ll find a solution.

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What's Moved Me

Former lawyer and professional poker player Cate Hall on asking for things that feel unreasonable:

"Ask for things. Ask for things that feel unreasonable, to make sure your intuitions about what's reasonable are accurate (of course, try not to be a jerk in the process). If you're only asking for things you get, you're not aiming high enough."

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What I'm Wiggling To

I couldn’t decide between Haim’s new album, I Quit, or Dispatch’s Yellow Jacket. Help! 

Stay Playful,

Tamar

TGC Newsletter: The Anxiety Issue

Hi again. It’s been a while, I know. The past few months have been different. Seems like we’ve been saying that a lot, huh? I’m writing this on a train to New York City, speeding past the lush leaves that didn’t exist the last time I wrote to you. Did you know there are more trees on Earth than stars in our galaxy?  

I don’t know why I’m sharing that fact with you.  

Maybe because I enter a state of awe, minimizing my seemingly grandiose anxiety about my life and the world.

It brings me into my body, my therapist, and leading psychologists' recommendations for preventing my anxious part from becoming the captain of my life. 

Here we are, though. Sitting on a train, passing over rivers, listening to laughter louder than the music from my headphones.  

I also officially walked across the stage at my Master’s hooding ceremony. The diploma is on the wall, photos in a cap and gown, and many celebrations are complete.

What I'm Reading

I’ve needed an advocate recently—for a bit now, actually. I asked someone to do that for me, and she reassured me that she advocates for me. She gave me examples of sharing how great I am. However, I haven’t received the “yes” I’ve needed repeatedly.

This got me thinking: what are the qualities of an advocate? 

Is it sharing only someone’s positive attributes? Do you need examples of the individual's high-quality characteristics,  behaviors, and outcomes? I found this list with qualities I agree with, including persistence, but in my research, I couldn’t find one element: speaking the hard truth to power.

I needed my advocate to think critically, go above and beyond, and communicate against leadership for my ideas. I needed her to be creative in convincing the powers. I needed her to stand in her strength and not accept a no on my behalf.

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What I'm Listening To

I'm sharing the Oprah Podcast with Mel Robbins on How to Calm Anxiety this month. They discuss what feels like the overwhelming emotion of our times: anxiety. Mel offers practical, effective tools and strategies—based on science and her own experience—to help ground your anxious thoughts and keep you connected to your capability. She answers questions from listeners about their feelings of anxiety.

Mel shared a mantra that stuck out to me. Repeat it every morning with intention. Take three deep breaths and say it with me.

I’m OK.

I’m Safe.

I’m Loved.

I’m Capable.

You can listen on Spotify here and on Apple Podcasts here.

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What I'm Doing

Wiggling as usual, but this time with my coworkers. Before a 4.5-hour-long meeting, which has a history of being difficult for all involved, a coworker hosted a dance party in our conference room. 

What a brilliant idea. Cue Pink Pony Club.

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What's Moved Me

Anxiety shows up in many ways. Our mind can go a mile a minute, our body could be tense and uneasy. Someone recently said to me, “Great minds have diverse thoughts.”

There is a balance between an anxious, overthinking mind (bad) and diverse thoughts (good). Stay critical of your thoughts to expand your thinking and beliefs. 

I have to add two because it’s been so long since I sent a newsletter. A friend observed my kind of advice. He said my advice, the best type, isn’t outcome-oriented but process-oriented. 

What process do you need to shift to get a different outcome?

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What I'm Wiggling To

A local historical establishment, one of my favorite bars, was purchased, but the atmosphere has stayed the same. My favorite local band, Baker Thomas Band, plays every Wednesday night. Their motto is “Everybody is in the Baker Thomas Band,” and although I'm not musically inclined, I convinced my singer friend to get up on stage, and now I’m friends with the faces of the band. Good things.

Stay Playful,

Tamar

TGC Newsletter: The Imperfect Issue

First, I want to acknowledge the moment of time we are in here in the United States. How hard this month has been. It’s hard to grow when our systems are falling apart more and more every day. It’s hard to write a newsletter. People are scared for their neighbors and friends, worried if they’ll still have a job if funding gets cut, and fearful if they’ll have access to necessary health care. People are seeing violence and representation of violence by highly influential people. We are increasingly switching our mindsets into survival mode, where growing is nearly impossible.

I’m not here to tell you it will be ok because I don’t know that. I can tell you that you’re not alone. I can take a deep breath with you. I’m reminding you that community keeps us safe. Feed it, and it will feed you. Allow yourself time to sit in despair if needed, but you must join a community. Community spreads information, connections, and resources. We need it even more these days.

Another deep breath? I think so. 

Sometimes, fear causes us to freeze for lack of “the perfect” response. Let’s try to unlearn and relearn our responses.

What I'm Reading

I love it when people vent to me, and I get to see them angry. I also love entering my friends's messy cars and sitting in their dining rooms with mail scattered on the table. This new year,  I’ve been thinking a lot about being messy. It’s in response to the sense of control and perfectionism I need for myself and to prove to others. 

This NYT article about the power of being messy highlights how messiness can lead to creativity. We know creativity's benefits: more innovation, excitement, and uniqueness. It gets us out of our heads and into wonder. It’s rethinking and unlearning how to envision a better world.

My challenge for you this month is to be messy. Ask questions and get out of your comfort zone.

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What I'm Listening To

In The Happiness Lab’s How to Embrace Imperfection, Dr. Laurie Santos discusses all the elements pushing us to be perfect all while we are striving to climb an impossible mountaintop. For example, with access to technology, there is a sense of unlimited information and knowledge. The supply is never-ending. 

And many of us have a sense that we need to know everything. But if knowledge is unlimited, how are we supposed to know it all? It’s fundamentally impossible. It feeds into the description of an insecure overachiever with productivity debt, an individual who is driven and celebrated but ultimately doing it to give more and more, be more and more productive. It’s a normal feeling that traps us into this productivity debt in which we feel inadequate unless we produce something. Deep breath, again. Doing everything feels impossible because it is impossible.

Sit with that. You’re striving for something impossible. That seems unfair to you. 

If we can’t do it all, the next step is to audit, prioritize and organize. 

1. Audit: How do you spend your time? What is taking up most of your time? The least?

2. Audit: What are your values?

3. Audit: Are your values and actions aligned? Do you value family time but aren’t spending time with your family? Time to reconsider your actions or your values.

4. Prioritize: Based on the above answers, prioritize how you want to spend your time. What’s achievable?

5. Organize: Consider a SMART goal (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Timebound). How can you use a SMART goal to reorganize your time? For example, I’m going to see my family once a month. Will you make mistakes? Probably, but it’s a lot better than setting an unattainable goal.

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What I'm Doing

This month, I took an improv workshop to get out of my head and into my messy era. Improv can teach us valuable lessons in adaptability, teamwork, resilience, and acceptance of failure. I took an improv workshop this month in the “yes and” holy motto of improv! The ultimate get messy, learn to fail, get out of your head, and “just do it” activity. We have much to learn from improv experts, including their most fundamental habits and skills:

1. Start on the same page: What can you do to show interest in working together?

2. Move on quickly from failure: Mistakes are inevitable; keep going.

3. Focus on a single, simple choice: Despite uncertainty, get started.

4. Listen to respond: The best discoveries and relationships are built when you help someone else feel heard, valued, and understood.

5. Practice “Yes, And”: Sometimes, it means adding to ideas, and often, it means simply embracing and acknowledging what now exists and choosing to move forward, one step at a time. 

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What's Moved Me

The end of a melody is not its goal.

From the wander and his shadow

-Nietzsche

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What I'm Wiggling To

Messy by Lola Young. Speaks for itself, no?

Stay Playful,

Tamar