TGC Newsletter: The Other Side of Things Issue

Tamar Gaffin-Cahn
Mar 30
4 min read

What I'm Reading

In the leadership course I teach to Graduate students at Emerson College, we obviously focus on the skillsets of being a leader, but we don’t always play the role of a leader; sometimes, we’re the follower. As a follower, what do I need to succeed? According to Gallup, followers need four elements from their leaders: trust, compassion, stability, and hope. Defining the roles is imperative to a successful leader-follower relationship.

Similarly, in a coaching relationship, the relationship is best when roles are clearly defined. The following article, How to Be a Great Coaching Client by Deborah Grayson Riegel, breaks down the role into the following parts:

Bring a goal, not a complaint.
Do the homework.
Own the coaching relationship.

This isn’t just for coaching clients. This is relevant in your relationship with a supervisor, mentor, or maybe even romantic partner. How can you bring these elements into your relationships?

What I'm Listening To

This month, I listened to Mel Robbins’ podcast, How to Design Your Life in 1 Hour, with guests Bill Burnett and Dave Evans (links below).

What is Life Design?

Life Design is a creative problem-solving approach that originated from Design Thinking. Alongside activities for every step of the design process, it shifts mindsets from dysfunctional beliefs to curiosity, self-understanding, brainstorming, and experimentation. Rinse and repeat.

A client of mine is approaching their annual review at work, and for their homework, I gave them The Odyssey Plan, an activity that asks them to create several life plans for the next five years. This will help them decide on which path to advocate for in their review. There are two key elements to this plan.

First, rank the plan 1-10 in the following categories:

How coherent is this plan?
How confident are you in this plan?
How much would you actually like this plan?
How resourced are you in this plan?

Second, and arguably the most important: what questions do you have about the plan? This is the moment when you shift from an inward question to an outward one. Get curious, ask people. Get the questions answered by many people and then do a gut check and reassess. Again, this is about constant iteration. Rinse and repeat.

This activity is not just for when you have no idea what path to take, but it’s also helpful when you’re excited about many options and need to make a decision.

The point is: we all have multiple lives to live. You can always redesign your life. With that in mind, what are you curious about for the next thing? What excites you now? It’s guaranteed to change, so focus on this moment.

To get a personalized Odyssey Plan for you, respond to this email with either the following:

I feel stuck between a few pathways: [list 2-3 options]. OR I have no idea what the next five years look like.

Find the podcast on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.

What I'm Doing

F*ckup Nights Boston VOL III SOLD OUT! Wow. Three events, three sold-out venues, 75+ people each. I started FuN in Boston because I thought it was a fun, punchy, “lean in” type of event. What I didn’t expect was the honor of delicately holding the emotions and experiences as our speakers shared their stories with us for the first time. Many have cried, recounting the broken friendships, the shame of not being able to hold their end of a deal, and subsequently putting loved ones in financial risk, or letting their ego hold onto an idea of who they are, just wasn’t working.

Our failures are often in that category because of the emotion tied to the actions. Speakers share how cathartic their experience is, from sharing the rough presentation with Sam (my co-lead) and me to event day, when they share it in front of 75+ people. It’s vulnerable, it’s courageous, and it’s moved me to be part of their journey.

Volume IV is live: Thursday, May 28, 2026, at Trident Booksellers! Get your tickets today.

What's Moved Me

We all know Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, but in his final years, he changed his tune. In his diaries, he discussed a higher level beyond self-actualization that is still based in the ego. Maslow introduced the concept of self-transcendence, as a person’s ability to obtain a unitive consciousness with other humans (1964; 1968).

When we design a life for ourselves, based on our values in relation to others and the community, and on an impact on our world, we’re achieving a level of self-transcendence.

According to Venter (2017), the transcended person can view the world and their purpose in it in relation to other human beings on a more global scale and is aware that they can have an impact not just within their own geographical boundaries but on the whole world. Maslow (1973) postulated that one main characteristic of self-transcended people is autonomy and independence from culture and environment. They do not need the approval of others; their opinions are not formed in light of their immediate circumstances. Maslow held that self-transcendence is reached when a person seeks to further a cause beyond the self and to experience a communion beyond the boundaries of the self (1968).

At the end of the day, it really is all about the people.

Venter, Henry. (2017). Self-Transcendence: Maslow’s Answer to Cultural Closeness. Journal of Innovation Management. 4. 3-7. 10.24840/2183-0606_004.004_0002.

What I'm Wiggling To

This past month, I saw one of my favorite artists, Amber Mark. In her most recent album, she’s collaborated with the one and only Anderson.Paak for Don’t Remind Me. Try not to bop your head and foot for this chorus.

Stay Playful,

Tamar